Help I need somebody...

...Not just anybody, I need Elaine badly. I had a bit of a rant at my brother's 30th birthday bash at the weekend. Bad timing, I know, but it has been bottled up inside for too long and the lid was lifted by the one or two or three or four drinks. I unleashed my totally selfish, self pitying wails of despair. I've no one to share my inner most feelings with, no one to just be myself with, no one to bounce my thoughts off and be told you're talking crap W. I'm not coping, I know this and bury it deep inside because the only person I would trust & share this level of grief with is gone. How ironic! The knowledge that I'll never be able to sit and talk with her again until I depart this world is just too much. O.K. some people never have this closeness with anybody and I'm grateful of the life that I shared with her, right from birth, we have been so close. But now it's been wrenched from me I just can't handle it. Yes I know that we will meet again, another big advantage that I have... It's not helping me here & now though. Sometimes the 'nicey, niceness' of other Christians can just annoy me too, but I'll cling on to my faith by my fingernails, I am only human and get pissed off just like anybody else. Rant over!