A difficult / fun weekend?

It's supposed to be fun, girlfriends going to see a show in the big L. I desperately want it to be E, I need to tell her, this seems like a poor substitute. My face is leaking badly this week, but I'm not meant to admit it. It's like a selfish indulgence, 'woe is me, for I am going to Elaine's house but her mules will not be sitting in the hall'. I have got to get a grip! Especially with J being with us. I'd better lay off the alcohol (re:A's 30th etc), well maybe not completely. I hope I get to know her a little bit better (J - that is), but with P around she won't get a word in. we shall see.
My holiday spot has appeared, how does it know? Every time, two days before I go anywhere, my chin feels tight and I know it will be in it's full glory for the day of departure. I'd better attempt sleep again, it's late and I still have to get up to put the boys to school.

One year on...

This time last year we were all wondering how we would ever get any sleep - the night before Elaine's funeral. It still doesn't seem real in a way. I was clearing out some space on my camera today and there she was, right in front of me trying to get a ball in a basket at Louden Castle. Even although I have several copies stored I just can't delete her off the camera.
I had an extremely wobbly moment at church last Sunday. The hymn that I had taken a verse from to use in her tribute was sung. It caught me completely off guard. As we sat down to pray I knew I wouldn't be able to control my sobs so I grabbed my coat & bag and bolted for the door. I spent the day in my room in a sort of mini rerun of last year. I must of caused a bit of a fuss as even the minister phoned to see if I was O.K.
So how was Christmas & New Year? I'm ashamed to admit I've been in a bit of a bad mood. As it turns out The flu was working on me and I've been floored since Monday and so completely missed out on the New Year celebrations. Nobody can say how you should react and of course I would never ruin it for everyone else. It will get better, I know.... just not this year.