What am I doing back here...?

I have no idea why I decided to have a look at my blog after all this time. We have been out for a meal and, yes I've had a few drinks - Allan has fallen asleep on the chair next to me - nothing new. I am looking for my person to talk to and after all these years it's still Elaine. That's why I'm here, she was still alive when I started this blog lark and I'm back here looking for her... but of course she's not here. Not very entertaining for random passers by to read, but like that is going to bother me.
I have actually always found writing a good way to get things out my system, so feel free to skip past my rantings, nothing to see here...
We have always been considered a close family, by this I mean 'my side' but in recent years my brother's alcoholism has ripped us apart. Just when we think it can't get any worse - it does. I visited Steven's grave this week - the first time in years, searching for... I don't know what. I am still a Christian and trust in God.. My mum hung up the phone on me this week because I was ranting that she is enabling him to drink and for his good, she has to make him move out and go to rehab. He uses the fact that Steven died and threatens to kill himself all the time. She can't lose another son... it's so sad. He turned up at my church on Easter Sunday and flaked out in front of everyone.. I had to go and sit with him till the Worship ended and leave my own 12 year old son, who was upset, to be comforted by others.
The next day, he 'slit his wrist' when my older brother and my nephew visited mum and dad. When the ambulance arrived they just rolled their eyes at him - sick of the sight of him.
Where do we go from here?